Confessions of an Overthinker
I’ve lost too many nights of sleep to count. I’ve called out of work and rescheduled client appointments. I’ve gained and lost weight in extremes almost overnight. I’ve smoked, drank, and created random art in the wee hours of the morning and done back-to-back overnighters.
This is the life of an overthinker.
There are days my mind doesn’t stop. Jumping from one thought to the next in rapid fire succession. Sometimes these are good days. Creativity running on adrenaline charged energy and shit gets done. Honestly, it’s how my first book was written.
Other times, most of the time, it’s not so good. Overthinking an argument, re-hashing it in my mind, over and over again. Wondering why I don’t seem to measure up in (fill in the blank: my career, my relationship, my life). Why doesn’t my (over 50, mom of twins) body measure up to social media standards? Crash dieting then saying “F*ck it, who do I need to impress?”
My biggest gremlin is body image.
I wasn’t raised as a girly girl. I wasn’t raised in a fashion conscious environment. Hell, San Francisco in the 60s and 70s was rife with paisleys and stripes in colors not found in nature! And after 10 years of private school uniforms, I’m surprised any of us survived our twenties without Garanimals!
And then came social media. I was a late adapter, not succumbing to Facebook until 2008 or so.
Let me be clear, I’m not overweight, but I have healthy curves. I have some gray, but that’s to be expected in my mid-50s. And as I mentioned, I had twins almost 30 years ago and will never have a washboard stomach. I have no desire to spend even 5 minutes in a gym.
No, my overthinking mind vacillates between “I need to look like THEM” (the airbrushed and now AI sex models) and “this is who I am, and I look damn good for my age” (which most people guess as 10-15 years younger, and yes, I’m very proud of that!)
I do not hide my age. I don't lie about it. But my mind still, sometimes (too often) gets caught up in the “if I looked like that, life might be better” spiral.
Then, I pour myself another glass of bourbon, write a little, and consider the design for my next tattoo.
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What I’m Reading This Week
Here are some other ‘stacks that have caught my attention this week. Check them out and subscribe or share if you like what they have to say: