There Comes a Time to Make a Decision
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There Comes a Time to Make a Decision
There comes a time when you need to make a decision. Historically for me, decision making, especially when it means saying yes to me and no to someone else, has been a struggle.
There comes a time when you need to make a decision. Historically for me, decision making, especially when it means saying yes to me and no to someone else, has been a struggle.
It’s something I’ve gotten much better at as I’ve learned more and more about myself, my emotional and spiritual needs, and the themes playing out in my life.
Most recently, I’ve had to make a decision about time spent with my other half (oh yeah, that’s not hard at all!).
Some backstory…
When we first met, I had just sold my beautiful 14’ touring kayak that I’d adventured with for over 10 years. I loved getting out on quiet lakes and rivers all over New England alone or with friends. Sometimes spending entire weekends on the water. I can’t tell you how many nautical miles were logged on that craft, but it sure wasn’t enough!
5 years after moving to Texas, it was time to sell my beloved boat. It was one of the few possessions I brought with me in the move, foregoing even most of my furniture. But I no longer had the space for it and I just wasn’t using it. I had no idea even where to paddle in this area, except for one rather difficult spot. So off it went for new adventures with someone else.
Fast forward… I meet this guy who’s really into kayak fishing. Why not? I grew up fishing, and I love kayaking, why not give it a try?
Kayak fishing became a hobby we could enjoy together, and we did. I learned a lot about different kayaks and different fishing styles than I was previously familiar with. At his encouragement, I even started what became a pretty successful YouTube channel.
Fast forward again… and it’s time to sell the fishing kayaks and move on to something else. (That’s another story for another day, but it was not an easy decision.). The something else was biking - bicycles, not motorcycles.
He had been an avid cyclist for years. Biking is really not my thing. I did end up getting a bike and I’m happy to ride occasionally on quiet paths (with no cars!) on my cushy bike seat with music playing to keep me company.
We’ve now gone from spending almost every weekend together out on the water to him cycling before work most days and out at least one day on the weekend mountain biking with friends.
There was a time, in my past, when I would have forced myself to just go out and ride with him because that would make him happy and we’d be doing something together. But now it’s more about what is best for me as well. Making the conscious decision to prioritize my needs I’m sure will benefit us both in the long run.
It’s still a transition that we’re navigating. It’s a work in progress. I’ve been working on a few projects that I’ve felt crunched for time on given that all our free time was together previously. I now have more quiet time for those. And he has time with his buddies and doing something he loves.
So it was time to make a decision. And it’s the right one for us for right now. Eventually, it will change again, and we’ll decide again our next direction.
Making potentially divisive decisions, the ones that might put “me” over “us” is never easy, but if done for the right reasons, in the right heart space, it’s beneficial for both people and the relationship as a whole.
We’re conditioned to always put our own needs last, but this isn’t always the best or healthiest option.
Learning to listen to your inner guidance, and choosing that over conditioning will always be the best choice, even if it sometimes seems difficult.